Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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