Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
