somebody snuck up and got me drunk
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
