Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
