Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
