i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize