I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
