Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Found your dick twin last night
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
