You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
