oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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