if i can run in heels then i can drive
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
