Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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