Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
