So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
