Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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