We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
