I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
