you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
