I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We need to get me chipped asap
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
