there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize