Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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