I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
