This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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