did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize