I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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