Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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