i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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