In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
