It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
