It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
