I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
