I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
