you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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