What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
