Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Everything about him screamed your future.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
