Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
how drunk are you?
Several
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize