Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Randomize
