i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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