i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
