You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
