you guys were way drunker than both of me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize