Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
