apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
