If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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