and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
