Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
