We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize