just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
