I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
