Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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