im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Randomize
