Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
