Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
