It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize