i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
