I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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