I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
you never un-have a 4some
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