Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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