why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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