If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
