Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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