i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
