Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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