Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
