I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
