Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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