How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
