He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She even gives head with a lisp.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
