if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
you never un-have a 4some
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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