just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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