yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize