Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I would ride that face into the sunset
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