i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
