They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
