So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
