Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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