Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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