I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
