Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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