My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
this will be a night to untag.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
