Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
