Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
