don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There r osticjed everywhere
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Randomize
