Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
