Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
