Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
