My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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