I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
