did you get engaged???
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
